I had my hair cut the other day. This is big news in itself as I really don’t enjoy the experience and normally delay it for as long as my hair and dignity will allow. I seem to be one of a handful of women who don’t get the whole pampering thing and if I time it right I can be in and out of the salon in fifteen minutes flat. Some might say this is quite apparent when looking at me but I have short hair and can’t see the point in all that ‘is the water warm enough for you?’ malarkey, plus I’ve got a really ticklish neck and dread to think of the consequences if anyone from the hairdressing fraternity was to accidentally touch it in public…..
I’ve had short hair for ages but not particularly by choice – I’ve tried to grow it but it just expands outwards, thus creating a mushroom effect rather than the long, flowing tresses that appear in my hair dreams. I worry sometimes that having short hair makes me look less feminine – in fact there have been occasions when I’ve been mistaken for a boy and I was actually called ‘queer’ by a complete stranger one time many moons ago when I was walking hand in hand with Pud – but nowadays I try and counteract this by wearing a string of pearls and bright lipstick wherever possible…..and refusing to hold hands with Pud when out in public.
I firmly believe that it takes a brave person to wear their hair short. There’s nowhere to hide with short hair and it sometimes leaves you very open to peoples’ opinions and perceptions. Just as a lot of people think it’s alright to fondle a pregnant lady’s baby bump, they also think it’s acceptable to ruffle your hair (usually only the once with me when they realise just how much wax short hair can actually hold) or pass comment such as ‘oh why have you gone so short this time, I prefer it a bit longer?’ On the plus side though, it gets you noticed, takes moments to dry and makes you easy to describe to people ‘You know her – the one with the short hair’ and all that.
Most days I’m ok with my hair, rightly or wrongly it’s a big part of who I am, but I sometimes find myself wondering what it would be like to have completely different hair. There are lots of contenders for my dream hair but I’ve managed to whittle the list down to five favourites – most of which would look completely ridiculous on me but then again I wonder how many of those listed could model the ‘boy cut’ as well as I do…..?!
5. Ella Eyre’s springy curls
If I could change my hair for just one day I would don a headful of mad, colourful bounciness just like Miss Eyre’s. Such a barnet would drive me mad after a while and the upkeep must be immense but just imagine having that awesome abundance of hair wearing you as you pop to the shops for a bag of spuds.
4. Victoria Beckham’s ‘Pob’
A bit of a double-edged sword this one. If having a haircut this fab and being the successful boss of a multi-million pound fashion empire and being married to possibly the sexiest footballer of all time still can’t muster a smile from VB then I might well be better off keeping my shorn locks after all.
3. Kate Bush’s tumbling Pre-Raphaelite-esque waves
Yes, she’s screechy and a tiny bit bonkers but I think that’s perfectly acceptable when you’re a song-writing genius with some natty moves to boot. Not that I ever understood what on earth she was banging on about with her plutonium chips and the like but I can forgive her anything for that beautiful, titian crowning glory. Oh yes, and Babooshka.
2. Louise Brooks and her gleaming bob (so to speak)
Oh the glamour, the sharpness, the shine! I actually had a haircut a tiny bit like this in my youth. Except it was inflicted on me by a old lady with candy floss hair at the local hairdresser’s, Valda’s. And it was cut straight over my ears. And I looked ghastly. And it was actually nothing like this.
I saved the best for last because after searching high and low for inspirational hair of every colour, length and style, I’ve ended up going back to my roots (ahem) and settling on my favourite hair of all…..short. There are lots of ladies who rock a short style exceptionally well and I hair-envy them all but my final word goes to Pink because I have a little bit of a girl crush on her, she’s sassy (Molly’s word but very apt), a brilliant performer and doesn’t seem to give a shit about what people think of her. Her short hair is amazing and if I could carry off those peroxide locks with the same two-fingered attitude that she displays then I jolly well would!