Last night I dreamt…

Did you ever have a bad dream, wake up and it not stop?

A question posed by the baby faced, floppy haired singer, Lloyd Cole* in his 80s classic, Jennifer She Said.

Well since you asked Lloyd, yes I did. Last night in fact. A dream so hideous that the shock of it jolted me awake this morning and I’ve been having alarming flashbacks to it ever since.

What was this dream I hear you ask? Well…

Actually, before I go on, if any of Molly’s friends are reading this, please look away now or promise not to show her. The poor girl doesn’t need this kind of emotional trauma in her life.

Now where was I? Oh yes, the dream. Well, let’s just say it involved some ‘intimate relations’ with a very public figure who I find absolutely repulsive in waking life. Honestly, the thought of doing anything like that with them turns my stomach. I can’t tell you how hideous I find them – I can’t even look at them when they’re on TV. And if you think I protest too much, let me tell you that every time I get a flashback, it causes my face to contort so tightly it makes my jaw hurt 😬

I was so traumatised, I had to share this monstrosity of a dream with someone. Pud didn’t seem an appropriate confidante so I messaged my girlfriends. One of them told me I’d dreamt it because I have a deep hidden secret desire to do rude things with this individual but won’t admit it to myself. Another sent a row of laughing emojis. 

Thanks ladies 👍🏼

It did make me wonder though where I’d dredged this person up from. Even in the darkest bowels of my psyche there is not one part of his personality or looks that I find appealing, and the thought of doing anything other than repeatedly slapping him round the face with a mouldy kipper (and no, that’s not a euphemism) is just incomprehensible.

I’ve heard he speaks very highly of me though 😉

*now there’s someone I wouldn’t mind dreaming about